Man Slop

Everything you are about to read is true.

That was an exciting beginning.

This is actually just a cooking recipe to make "Man Slop."

I firmly believe that to be considered a "master chef" (which I am), you must never follow a recipe; following a recipe means you would make a fine robot, not a master chef. A plan is equally hampering; no, its best just to get into the kitchen and start putting stuff together. This is essential when making "Man Slop." So, don't think of this as a recipe, more of a mentoring discussion...

To begin with, you grab a can of Manwhich. Then you grab a can of beans (any kind--I used vegetarian). Because I just added something that had the words "vegetarian" in it, I quickly had to MAN IT UP. I grabbed for some meat; any kind will do. There were some left-over beef bits that we ate with noodles a week ago; it goes in. There was some left-over ground turkey that was seasoned for tacos; it goes in. There were two hot dogs that had been in the fridge for about a month; they go in (this is a true story...about making "man slop;" if this makes you queasy, stop reading and cry over "A Walk To Remember," you're not a man). Now you have your essentials: Manwhich, beans, and random leftover meat that was about to go bad. Throw it all in a cooking thing that you put on top of the stove (men don't know what they're called...skillet or something) and heat it up. Open the fridge and see what else is about to go bad. There's some old cabbage. Sure, its a vegetable, but Popeye ate spinach, which is pretty much cabbage, so chop some up and throw it up. Onions, too. Now to finish it off, you're going to need some spices. The chili powder and the ground red peppers are a must; after that, pretty much whatever you can put your hands on. I added:
cinnamon
salt
black pepper
parsley
onion powder (because adding the onion wasn't enough).
Add more chili powder. Then some more. It probably wasn't enough, so add some more, but take the top off first, this time.
Now proudly ask your family how many scoops of "man slop" they would like to eat. And congratulate yourself; you have become a master chef.

Epilouge and Afterthoughts
Surprisingly, nobody asked for more than one scoops of "man slop." I ate four. Before consuming, we made sure to pray, which is always a good idea when there are non-men (womenfolk and little people) consuming your product. The womenfolk seemed to...enjoy other foods more than they enjoyed man slop. Gavin did enjoy the meal, which is a good sign, since he also likes to play with Barbies (although that could be a good sign too, I guess).

Goodbye from AK.